Of Trust

Recently our small group Bible study, as previously mentioned, is reading through David Platt's Radical.  The book, in general, seems to be a complete reiteration of thoughts and feelings I have had for quite awhile regarding our current church culture (not to say the culture in my particular church, but in North American churches as a whole) (side note: I wish there were a more precise translation for the Spanish term estadounidense [meaning "of/from the United States], because that's really the word I'm wanting to use, but I digress . . .).  Platt's work emphasizes rescuing our Christian faith from the grips of the American Dream - a trap most all of us fall into.

Our assignment for the week was to read chapter 3, which really brought up some feelings I had actually written a blog about more than two years ago (note, if you follow the link you will find my first routinely written-in blog, so enjoy).  This chapter discusses the extraordinary power of God and the church's general failure to rely on such to grow their congregation, tending to rely, instead, on our own power and that of our preacher, band, facilities and programs.  Not that God can't be in those, but we need to make sure He is and we're not running ahead with our own "good ideas."

He mentions in this chapter the life of George Muller (if you haven't heard of him before, do some investigating, it's amazing!) who ran a large orphanage operation based solely on support provided by God - with no fundraising done on his part.  Platt quotes Muller's journal:

"The first and primary object of the work was (and still is:) that God might be magnified by the fact, that the orphans under my care are provided with all they need, only by prayer and faith without anyone being asked by me or my fellow-laborers whereby it may be seen, that God is faithful still, and hears prayer still."

(further side note: I've gotta love this man for his perpetual over-use of commas - a plight from which I also often suffer)

In the margin of the our copy of the book I wrote: "Flies in the face of 'God helps those who help themselves.'" (Again, for further reading on my thoughts on this phrase, visit the aforementioned blog.)  This man seems to get it - the "it" here being what I think so many self-sufficient Christians are missing - a full reliance on God.  A reliance that doesn't say, "I've got to get to work on my own if I want a blessing from God." But a reliance that knows God helps those who have made a purposeful decision to not help themselves but, instead, to trust fully in His provision and His almighty power (which, yes, often calls us to action, but only to action guided fully by His calling).

"Lord I come to You
Let my heart be changed, renewed
Flowing from the grace
That I've found in You
And Lord I've come to know
The weaknesses I see in me
Will be stripped away
By the power of Your love

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I'll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your spirit leads me on
By the Power of Your love"  - Geoff Bullock

Of Free Will

Well, you knew it would happen didn't you?  I post about how great my kids sleep and then Micaiah goes and digs her heels in today and absolutely refuses to nap.  I was at my wit's end.  She's never done this before (ok, I guess she kind of did when she was ready to cut out her morning nap, but we are NOT giving up nap time altogether, yet; we're just not) and I had no idea how to handle it.

And I'll just confess it right here, I probably did not choose the best way.

But that's not why we're here. 

There was a point during the three-hour struggle when I did nothing but sit in her room as physical motivation for her to do nothing more than simply lay there.  And I thought bitterly that if there were any possible way in this world for me to physically force sleep on her, I would have done it. 

There are many things I can "force" (or highly motivate) her to do.  I can shove food in her mouth when she refuses to eat (definitely a last resort but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't happened).  I can pick her up and carry her to her room if she digs in her heels.  I can swat her bottom until she picks up her toys. 

I cannot tape her eyes shut (ok, I could, but there's a line and DHS scares me) and even if I did, I still can't do anything to make her body shut down and sleep.  I just can't.

And that frustrates me.

It made me think, though, of how God must feel when I deliberately ignore His calling - or at least procrastinate (for years).  Now, it's different with God.  Nothing is impossible for Him.  Yet, He, in His infinite wisdom, granted us free will.  And, for some reason, He never seems to revoke the privilege.  But, oh how it must vex Him when he does everything short of making my arms move of their own power and I simply refuse to follow His command.  And how much more so for Him because He's not just dealing with one stubborn two-year-old but a world filled with disobedient, obstinate, selfish beings who constantly kick at his purposes - even those who claim to follow Him.

"Lord, please forgive my disobedience.  May You always find me faithful and willing."

Of Living in the Moment

I have been wasting so much time.

My little Emmett man is growing up so fast and I've been missing it in keeping up with his big sister.  So today, in recognition of the fact that he will only be this small for so long and it will be a very short time before he won't be at all interested in snuggling - and as of now he has no choice - I determined to be more deliberate in my "Mommy and Emmett" time.  I also decided this would be a great time to take "Just Because You're Cute" pictures - which we're just not doing often enough for him.

These are the results (please note: I love the fact that his hair typically resembles a cockatoo):

Man I love this guy!

In other news: Micaiah had her two-year check-up today.  She's doing great.  27lbs.  36 inches tall (3 feet!!!)

Of Developing Personality

I think it is very interesting to note how early personality traits develop.  Micaiah was a little firecracker even in the womb (as designated by one frustrated nurse who couldn't keep up with her every move while trying to track her heart rate).  Her middle name, in fact, means "Little Fire." She has just always been a feisty one - sweet, but feisty.  Also, very organized and particular.  Right down to being born on her due date, she knows that everything has its place and wants to be sure to maintain that balance.  When she gets in trouble for holding something she shouldn't have, rather than just dropping it, she must put it back where she found it, and in the same position - sweet, but frustrating at times.

Now, Emmett hasn't had much opportunity to show his personality, but I can already tell he is much more mellow than his sister - more a follower than a leader.  The poor kid, if Micaiah's being born on time is an indication of her personality, Emmett's being induced to fit everyone's schedule already says so much about his future.  And then there's today. 

My little man rolled over today! 

I was not expecting it at all.  In fact, I'd been worried (not nail-biting worried but, "hey-maybe-we-should-do-something-about-that" worried) that he wouldn't do so anytime soon as the poor kid usually has to sit on the sofa so as to stay out of the way of a rambunctious big sister.  He doesn't get a whole lot of tummy time and when he does, it's usually filled with much crying or much sleeping - not so much action.  But I've been more persistent lately that my boy get his floor time in anyway - I would like if he could somewhat keep up with standard milestones.  So, today, I placed him on his belly and went about my business.  It wasn't until I discovered my daughter pressing on his tummy with her foot (yes, she got a spanking for trying to stand on her brother) that it occurred to me he couldn't be laying on his belly while his sister tried to crush his belly - he had rolled over! 

There was no big commotion, no leading up to it, no indication at any point before that he was even interested in trying to roll over.  I remember Micaiah trying so hard for weeks (or maybe days, I can't recall) to get it right.  In fact, she rolled over a couple of times at Christmas and then didn't perform an encore for another three weeks!  But it seemed like Emmett just thought, "You know, I think I'll roll over today." And he did.  Three times, actually.

He may be patient, he may be mellow, but my little man can do what he sets his mind to ;)

Of Falling in Love

Earlier this week I recalled a song I had not thought of since I was in middle school.  The words became my prayer:

"Give me an undying love for you. Lord, won't You take me to the cross - I count it all as loss; please burn away the dross, so that nothing else remains . . . but an undying love for you."

And God is definitely answering that prayer.

I am currently in the midst of four life-changing studies.  At around 3:30am (or a little later) every morning, while feeding Emmett, I work on completing a workbook for a Bible Study on the life of David which I attend on Sunday evenings.  Nap time for the kids is Bible Study time for me as I dig into 1 Samuel for my Wednesday morning Bible Study.  Before going to bed, as Philip reads the latest installment of the Ender chronicles, I sit on my side of the bed eagerly continuing an advanced copy I received of Steven Furtick's Sun Stand Still on depending on God with an audacious faith to fulfill an impossible purpose through my life (a book I wasn't so sure on in the beginning but now am reeling with the applications it has for my life).  And at some point during the week I read the next chapter of David Platt's Radical - daring me to abandon the American Dream in order to live life the way Jesus truly meant for it to be - in order to be prepared for Small Group on Thursday nights.

And I am LOVING it.  By the end of this week I have discovered that the more time I spend in God's Word, the more I can't get enough.  I thoroughly enjoy the fact that my time is currently so saturated with seeking after God.  In the meantime I have finally begun to take seriously a task with which He has been burdening me for years now - literally, years.  I have had no valid reason for not pursuing His calling for me other than that I did not believe it important - and I didn't know where God would take me with it.  So I ignored it.

It is amazing how the one decision to finally follow His will seems to have opened the floodgates for that undying love which I begged for only days ago.

I woke up this morning and, after a brief battle with bitterness which I handed over to God, I found I was thoroughly excited about going to church this morning.  And not for seeing friends or singing choruses, but for hearing more of the Word of God.  In fact, as we finished singing a few (amazing!) worship songs this morning, I felt a giddy feeling rising up inside - I was so looking forward to just hearing a sermon.  What would God teach me this time?!

Not to say that I haven't learned some amazing things in church over the years, but I can honestly say today was the first time I ever felt this thrill for the spoken message before it was even delivered.

God is doing a work in me.  And with each moment I feel more in love than I have ever been before.

"Oh, I’m running to Your arms,
I’m running to Your arms
The riches of Your love
Will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the world forever reign" - Hillsong

Of Field Trips

In honor of Free Museum Day, we invited Philip's sister, Dayla, to join us at Science Museum Oklahoma - the same place we celebrated last year's Smithsonian-sponsored Museum Day.  It was remarkable to me to think that when we were enjoying these exact same exhibits last year Micaiah was being carried by Daddy in the front-pack baby carrier and we had no idea that when we returned at the same time the next year Mommy would be carrying a three-month-old baby in her sling.  Oh the changes a single year brings.

This year we traveled the museum with a very independent two-year-old who liked any exhibit she chose herself and was not so impressed with the ones any adult tried to force on her.  That's my stubborn girl.

After an hour or so of carrying Emmett around, though, I was ready to sit, so we piled into the Science Today show where Micaiah clapped, screamed, hollered, jumped and danced along with all the big kids while we watched the "Scientist" blow things up - and she didn't mind the explosions one bit!

And then there was precious Emmett.  Each time the Scientist instructed the crowd to do something altogether, whether yell or clap at once, the poor little guy gave a little leap in his sling, eyes wide, looking around, while Momma kept one hand planted on the ear that wasn't already pressed against my chest.  Eventually, though, he fell asleep, so much so that by the loudest explosion that ended the show (which had me using one hand to cover his ear, the other to cover one of my own and Dayla's elbow covering my second) he barely flinched and his eyelids didn't even flicker.

That's my little man.

Of Looking Back

You may or may not know that I am currently spear-heading the effort in our rather large church of implementing a church library to cater to the masses.  It is quite the undertaking and would be completely overwhelming if I weren't sure this was a task given to me by God alone.

Although I'm not gonna lie, the thrill of scanning barcodes for a couple of hours kinda makes me giddy.

Also not gonna lie, spending a few hours a week working on getting the hundreds of books that have been donated entered into our meager system would be a lot easier without one two-year-old running around and one three-month-old who would be a lot happier nestled in his Boppy on the couch at home rather than in a bouncy seat borrowed from the church nursery.

At times, when I'm about ready to pull my hair out after my daughter has brought me about the 20th book from the number invading the shelves which she has determined should be read to her that instant and my son is screaming his hungry head off, I smile at the fact that someday, years from now, we will have a thriving library and my children will be borrowing their own favorite books for the umpteenth time and I will look back on these days like today, forgetting the insanity and only recalling fondly the fact that she was a mere toddler running around with her sippie asking for barcode stickers for herself at the foundation of it all - and I will be astounded at how far we have come.

These are the visions, reminiscing from the future, which keep me motivated.