Remember When?

I realized yesterday: I actually miss being pregnant. Okay, maybe I don't really miss it, but I'm saddened by the realization that I've already forgotten what it felt like. In my head, I can remember everything, but I can no longer remember the feelings. I don't remember what it felt like to have her wiggle and squirm and kick. I hear her hiccups daily, but I don't remember how it felt when those same reflexes kept me awake at night. I don't remember how it felt to not be able to sleep in almost any position other than on my side - and thus not being able to sleep at all. I don't remember what it felt like to not be able to bend over to put the clothes in the dryer without getting winded. I don't remember what it felt like to not be able to lift my foot into Philip's lap when he was vying for the Best Husband of the Year award by giving me a pedicure. I don't remember any of it.

By the same token, I barely remember how it felt to be able to take care of things around the house without wondering how long Little Bit would stay asleep before she needed my attention again. I don't remember how it felt to leave the house without wondering if I would be out long enough that she would have to eat while we were gone. I don't remember how it felt to sit in her empty nursery longing for something to do, an excuse to be in there. I don't remember not having a tiny, warm, soft body to clutch and cuddle and hug or a tiny balded head to kiss.

It's amazing how quickly six and half weeks can wipe a memory clean.