I Choose Him

I confess: I waste time, a LOT. And my biggest enabler is the television - or rather TV shows - whether these be on the five stations we get through or antenna, or via the internet, I consume it - binge on it.

Okay, that may be a bit extreme. The truth is, I used to be that obsessive about television, especially while I was pregnant and didn't feel like moving. Watching TV was about the one thing I could do which required no movement whatsoever beyond the slight muscular reflex of pushing the volume button on the remote. I have, indeed, cut back a lot, but I was still finding this to be my go-to, time-"filling", brainless activity. When I fed Micaiah, I was watching TV. When I folded clothes, watching TV. Grading papers, watching TV. Cleaning the house, watching TV. See the trend? Most of the time I wasn't even paying attention to it. It was background noise. Something for me to listen to while I got something else done. Problem was: as a result, that something else got done a whole lot slower than necessary and time was wasting.

I was under the mistaken belief that time was the only issue at hand suffering from my addiction. Thus, when I made the decision two weeks ago to cut myself off, I faced temptation and came very near to compromising - telling myself that watching something while feeding Baby Girl wouldn't be that big of a deal, would it? After all, I'm just sitting here. I have nothing else to do. There's not much else I can do. So why not? Even though I was skeptical of the necessity to do so, I withstood temptation.

Then I realized, only yesterday, on top of the issue of time, my mind was being filled with junk. I found myself humming commercial jingles for "my local Check into Cash" and 1-800-SAFE-AUTO and agonizing over what would happen next on Heroes and whining about how ridiculous the Survivors were for voting off what's-her-name and gasping at how unbelievably horrible the photos were that the judges of Top Model thought were breath-taking. My mind was over-run with useless information and judgmental thoughts about anything and everything I was taking in - whether I was paying attention or not. When I watch reality TV, in particular, I find I assign myself to the task of judge. And when I feel free judging those I don't know but who choose to play out their lives on television, is it that hard to believe that this judgmental nature seeps its way into my real life?

So, I have quit. Cold-turkey. I'm done. Thing is: when you take something out of your life that has sucked up so much time in the past, you find yourself with a whole lot of free time and nothing with which to fill it. How do I replace my bad habit with a good one? The route I have taken most often is either reading or listening to music. Most recently I have begun to listen to the radio via the internet, allowing me to still be productive around the house, still have my background noise, and yet not be tethered to something I have to watch and at the same time allowing my mind to be filled with the uplifting sounds of praise music and the works of my favorite Christian artists. So, now instead of obnoxious, yet catchy jingles, I find myself humming the likes of Jars of Clay or Tree63. Slightly better, if I might say so.

"If everybody's worshiping something, I choose You" - Point of Grace