Fear not!

As you may know (refer to previous post), I am with child for the second time in my life. And I am thrilled. But something unexpected has already happened with this pregnancy that I didn't experience the first time - fear.

When we learned I was pregnant with our first child, all the typical emotions rolled on through that all first parents go through upon learning about this little addition to our lives - I was so excited at first, and then it hit me. No matter how much you were looking forward to it or "planning" for it, that first pregnancy is a shock - that, "wait a minute" moment. What are we doing?! Are we really ready for this? And does that matter? Because, ready or not, there's going to be a baby in our house in less than a year and someone is going to expect us to take care of it. All the time!

And then we calm down, breathe, and realize we know plenty of parents who have tried their hardest to screw up their kids and somehow we all turn out relatively okay. Alright. We can do this.

And then life was peachy. I didn't know anything about having a baby and, other than reading 2/3 of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" on the day we found out, I did little in preparation to figure out what was actually going to happen. I was in awe that my body knew exactly what to do and was busy as a bee bringing this baby into being and all I had to do was take it slow. This was nice. I could do this.

The day came, she was born, happy and healthy - as I always expected she would be - and life was great.

So we decided we were ready.

A new life, again.

I was excited. I was trusting God to grow our family and less than a year after we handed that desire over to him, Baby #2 (fondly known as Bug) is on the way.

And then it hit me. An overwhelming fear. Fear I hadn't known before.

See, something happened between my last pregnancy and this one - I had been reading stories, hearing prayer requests and had begun to accept that tragedy really is a common occurrence. Every day, parents are losing their children. And no one is immune. What if that happened to us?

I was no longer an innocent mother living in a peachy world - there was a child in my womb and quick as that something could happen to it.

It was difficult to rejoice. I lived in that fear, deciding this time maybe we would wait until the end of the first trimester to let everyone know "just in case." In case of the worst. Because how could I go back and tell everyone that it wasn't going to happen? It would just be easier if we kept it quiet.

After a time of living in this crippling fear, God spoke to me. What was I afraid of? I may not know tomorrow, but I know today. And today I have a baby. Today I am blessed. Today is one more day of growing a tiny one inside of me. And no matter what happens to him or her, that life is a blessing - today!

And what if something did happen? Would I rather go through that pain alone? Letting the bitterness and sorrow tear me apart from the inside while the world went on as normal? Would I not want my brothers and sisters in Christ to join me in the grieving process and be with me through such a time?

And more so, as we learned in church, our pain is God's megaphone to the world. Even if God chose to take this baby earlier than we expected, we would glorify Him so much better in allowing the world to see our pain and witness Him working in our lives through that pain.

We are not to keep quiet - in sorrow or in joy!

So, we screamed it from the rooftops (and/or facebook). We're having a baby!

The Lord has done great things for us. And we are glad!