Of Updating

Here's what's been happening lately:

- Joseph is a big fan of rolling, in either direction, all over the floor.  This does, however, get him into trouble when he's in his crib and his little arms and legs wedge themselves between the slats (and, yes, we do have "breathable" bumpers to impede this issue, but he's REALLY good at getting around them).

- I have decided I'm tired of this lingering baby weight and so the kids and I are doing something about it.  Knowing I have too many things on my nap-time to-do lists, I have decided to make workout time a family activity.  The kids love doing some Latin dancing with the Wii, swinging their little white remotes (with non-functioning batteries) as if it matters.  Definitely a highlight of my days.

- We celebrated July 4th at home (though we will be attending a Sunday School party, complete with fireworks, this weekend), which meant dashing outside at every boom, hoping to catch a glimpse at someone else breaking the law while simultaneously burning up their money (because I'm all about taking my pleasure from someone else's unwise choices).  We did get to see a few bursts of sparks and dragged the kids out of bed two nights in a row so they could watch.  Micaiah, who remembered this from last year, was not quite as fazed, but when you wake a 3-year-old at midnight, apparently the excitement level isn't quite as high.  When we asked if she was scared she, who had really been quite calm and content for a few minutes, and looking forward to fireworks for months, really, answered, "Yeah, I want to go back to bed now."  Emmett gave the same response the next night, after shaking with fear in my arms through two giant booms.  And he did go back to bed, happily laying down and going to sleep while Sissy stayed up, throwing Poppers and giggling at smoke bombs (which we also showed Emmett the next day - he liked them, too - much more quiet than the showy ones).

- Emmett has been playing with "Jo-huff" much more frequently.  I think they're going to be good friends.

- Today, while Micaiah wore their fireman's helmet, Emmett stood on a stool, yelling, "There's a fire on me!" while Micaiah hollered, "I'll save you!" and, aiming the Slinky, stolen from Joey, like a hose, rescued her little brother from certain doom.  These kids are hilarious (and quite imaginative).

- Joseph is moving out of the "cuddle" stage.  He doesn't just sit most days, he squirms.  So, while I'm trying my best to savor every moment and not set him down so I can accomplish other things, he would really, actually, prefer to be rolling on his blanket or bouncing in his saucer.  He really is growing up.  Who gave him permission to do that?

1,000 Gifts:
680. Dreaming of vacation - maybe not the same as doing it, but hopes still warm the heart
681. Shedding the fear
682. Watching little ones stretch
683. A boy being a boy
684. Keeping track of prayers and, more importantly, their answers.


Photos:
My growing collection for the "look how many times Angela can turn on the wrong burner" exhibit.  We have the cookbook from our first year of marriage, the pot holder from the same year, and the bread dough from just yesterday (which was on top of the stoneware that spontaneously exploded, leaving the raw dough to fall onto the burner underneath and ignite - yes, I'm brilliant).

Smoke bombs - this is intentional smoke, unlike that of the photo above.

Daddy and his "Lil' Defender."

Emmett was putting his hats on Joey.  Darn cute.  (Not to mention we have this same pose of Micaiah, Philip and Aunt Dia at roughly the same ages).

Joey is a big stander.  Also, apparently, he likes grabbing for things, so he kept intentionally throwing himself at Daddy's arm, which, of course, he knew would catch him.

After Daddy got tired of being the horsey, Micaiah offered to take a turn - the best part was, she actually succeeded in carrying Emmett around for just a few seconds (before he tired of it).  He was not quite as successful in his efforts to hold her.

Of the Pit

The song sprang to mind and it could not help but overflow, "You have redeemed my soul from the pit of emptiness; You have redeemed my soul from death."  And as so often happens, my fingers, ever on the keyboard, clacked along to find the song so I could lift my voice to the real music.  As if my soul's melody is not real.

And I found a video.  A video of this song with images of hungry beings, starved to nothingness - the ones I prefer to pretend don't exist at this very moment on the other side of this very globe, where I sit with my full belly on my plush couch, in my air conditioned home, planning my next meal the the snack I may have in between, not because I'm hungry, but because it's what I do.

And I'm singing the words, the words of redemption and suddenly I cannot feel the fullness of one redeemed, but that pit continues to gape wide.  The pit of emptiness found in a constantly full belly, striving for more - not more of what it needs, but more of that which gives pleasure to the tongue, rather than satisfaction to the body.  Striving for more of that which weighs me down rather than that which lifts my spirit.

Because taking, getting, consuming, never satisfies.

Giving, emptying, pouring - in the broken, yet beautiful, math of God, these actions fill us.

The more I attempt to fill that pit with the things this world tells me I want, the more I remain empty.  Redemption is found in the pouring out - in the true emptiness that leads to the true fullness.

Redeem my soul, oh, Lord, from this pit of empty consumption and lead me into Your full life.

1,000 Gifts:
679. Freedom
680. New art supplies - the beauty of creating
681. Washing off the sweat - a sign of putting that body to work
682. A head of curly hair against my chest.
683. Little guy rolling around on the floor
684. Sparks of fire lighting up the evening sky
685. The boom of celebration
686. Her feet on Daddy's, dancing to the music


Photos from Yesterday:
The paints purchased on our fateful trip to Staples.

Love this kid's smile.

Brothers playing Peek-a-Boo.

Dancing with Daddy.

Of Taking the Bad

Have you ever had one of those evenings?

The kind where you realize at 7pm that your bank closes in an hour and you still have a deposit to make if you don't want to be overdrawn in the next couple of days, so you decide you'll run a few other errands while you're out and you'll take your daughter with you because she likes running around town.  So you get everything ready, you head out to the car, then you back out and break your driver's side mirror in the process.

Then, ticked about that, you head to the bank, make your deposits and head to your next stop - Staples - for which you have a coupon for a free bag and 15% off everything else.  Only, in reaching for the coupon on your passenger's seat you realize all the things you gathered for your evening out are still sitting on your dining room table.  So you head back across town, retrieve the coupon and the library books to be returned and you go back to Staples, where you end up spending more money than you should (especially considering you were about to be overdrawn only an hour ago), but it's hard to turn down a little girl who wants to get a present for her brother.

And then you turn toward the library - sure it's a pain driving the ten minutes to the other side of town, but that movie you have on reserve will be something relaxing to do over this mini mid-week vacation and they won't be open tomorrow (and, besides, you really need relaxing by now).  And then you get to the library, your daughter's most exciting portion of the evening, and see not a car in sight.  Because, according to the sign on the door, which has NOT been there the previous three times you have visited the library in the past two weeks (even though the sign announcing their being closed on the 4th has been everywhere) the library closes at 6pm on July 3rd.

Beautiful.

So, on your way home, as you listen to your daughter crying because she won't get to pick out new books, and her suggesting through her tears, maybe you should go to a different library (though there is none), you realize you have now spent more in gas than you saved using your silly 15% off coupon you just had to use before it expired.  And then you remember that you forgot to use the other coupon you took with you to Staples, the one that would have saved $6 more, will expire soon and for which you'd been waiting for just the right reason to use it - the reason you opted to take advantage of the other sale in the first place.

Oh, that's never happened to you?

Maybe it's just me.

1,000 Gifts:
672. Giving good gifts to my children
673. Reciting Bible verses
674. A gift arriving in the mail
675. Exercising with kids underfoot
676. The hum of summer insects in the evening
677. A new recipe
678. When what is broken still functions


Why this day wasn't so bad after all:
Micaiah loves playing with Joey.  And he loves her, too.  It makes my heart smile to hear him giggling with her.

Playing with his piggies.

This boy is pretty darn adorable (when he's not fussing - and sometimes when he is).

His new caterpillar bowling set that finally arrived today.  He liked lining them all up.

Of My Selfish Heart

I am an incredibly selfish person.

I was contemplating recently those people I know whose relationship with God I envy (yes, it is rather counter-intuitive to break a Commandment while desiring to be closer to the Lord).  I see these people - the ones who 100% get it.  They speak truth over their children; they serve the Lord with all their heart; they mourn over inconsistencies in their lives and speaking of their love for God and how He is working in their lives is like second nature.

Yes, I know, they're not perfect.  No one is.  But they're a lot closer than I, even on my good days.

And I long for that.

I long for a love of Jesus that cannot help but overflow.

And, yet, I'm not there.

And then God spoke to me yesterday, "You cannot fully love me while being so in love with yourself."

That hurts.

What hurts is that it's true.

While I would never consider myself vain (though, does anyone, really?), I can recognize, if I am truly honest with myself, my infatuation with my own being.  I have this insatiable need to be right; I hoard my time and only dole it out when I feel I have some to spare (but am careful not to over-schedule because I need my me-time daily); I often serve myself before others and have to make a conscious effort to remember to offer anything to anyone else; I save the best for myself and it hurts to give it up; I spend my time and energy finding little ways to pamper myself (and sometimes my family).

I am disgustingly selfish.

And while I take full responsibility for myself and my grotesquely boorish manner, I can't help but notice an air of selfishness, yes, in our culture, but even in church.

I cannot (and will not) speak for everyone (especially when I know so many who get it right), but I know I have often heard the verse (and quoted it myself, when in need of comfort), Romans 8:28, which is roughly quoted as: "For we know all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose."  This verse, along with all of God's Word, is Truth.

What I only just realized yesterday, though, is how my selfish nature has twisted these words.  I take them personally.  I tend to believe what this verse is saying is that my circumstances will turn out for my good.  And, of course, I interpret my good to be blessings - rainbows and sunshine after the storm.  And looking forward to those rainbows and sunshine is what keeps me going.  Because God is working this together for my good - because I love Him.

What I fail to understand, what so many fail to communicate through this verse, is that our good is not always rainbows and sunshine.  And God is not working all things together for the good of me, but for the good of "those who love Him" - that's plural.

So my difficulty, my pain, my sorrow, is not always because God is working on me, but because He has a plan that is so much bigger than me.  And His purpose may be in my pain.  Because His "good" does not always feel good.

And though there is sunshine after the rain, we don't always get to see it.  Just look at Hebrews 11 to see a whole myriad of people who believed in the good for which God was working and did not see it in their time here on earth - though the good came.  The Savior came.  Salvation came.  And their lives were integral to God's plan.  And, yet, they did not meet the Savior in their time, they did not see the Salvation of their people.  But they knew God.  And they believed.

Self-lessly they devoted their lives to His cause.

Do I love Him enough to truly give up my own desires, or the need to see the beautiful ending while I yet live, to bend to His calling?

Do I fear Him more than I fear man or man's opinion?

Do I love others with a passion, so that the thought of one hurting, hungry or lost breaks my heart to the point of action?

Not yet.

But God is tearing me down so He might build me back up.  There is definitely beauty in His pain.

1,000 Gifts:
665. His Word beckoning
666. Truth revealed
667. The lime green of a stoic grasshopper
668. Splashing
669. A baby giggling on the prompting of his sister
670. Sharing
671. An itty-bitty baby tongue, all stuck out in silliness


Photos of the Weekend:

The kids and I got to splash around with some friends on Friday.

We went to the mall Friday night and Emmett got a snazzy new backpack (that makes him look just too grown up).

Daddy taught the kids the Cha-Cha on Saturday.

Then he took his little girl out for their first Daddy-daughter date - dinner and a movie.

Philip celebrated his birthday on Sunday with breakfast (and presents) in bed.

Of My Golden Day

Well, it's come and gone.  My Golden Birthday.  I turned 28 yesterday, on the 28th, and it was all I could have hoped for.

More than two people showed up to my party, which makes it a success right there, but, even more than the number of attendees, the amount of quality time was wonderful.  And on top of it all, Philip bought me one thing I have been wanting for almost as long as I can remember:

 A charm bracelet, complete with a charm for each of the kids' birthstones and one for he and I, too.  Yeah, he's pretty much the greatest.


1,000 Gifts:
638. Pain in my hip, a small price to pay for an evening of free Salsa Dancing Lessons
639. Relaxing at Starbucks with a Venti Frappuccino (what was I thinking?!) and my favorite man
640. Free clothes
641. Discovering a new favorite
642. More varieties of salad than one knew possible
643. Laughing with friends
644. Winning - even if just with a crossword puzzle
645. A quiet play-date
646. Party prep - the anticipation
647. Blessing, not impressing
648. Having just what you need
649. Perfect provision through store sales - yes, it can happen
650. A hand-made tablecloth
651. A birthday banner, also made with love
652. Borrowed decorations
653. Brownie batter fresh from the bowl
654. More friends than I hoped for 
655. Lots of bags 
656. Pulling out the folding chairs
657. A husband entertaining the kids
658. Weary from a wonderful day
659. Free fun in the sun (and water, too!)
660. Two little boys falling asleep on the car-ride home.
661. A closed door means a clear answer.
662. A still-clean house
663. "The light is green."
664. Watching on the monitor as he crawls into her bed for a movie (but only after the light is green)


Other Birthday Photos:

Of Giving Glory

Don't ask me why - my brain just wanders, I suppose - but I was contemplating the question the other day, "If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"  You know the question - it's a classic.

Of course, there's the scientific point behind the pondering: the concept of the precise definition of "sound" and its need for an ear to hear the physical vibrations for anything to qualify as such.

But, really, I had never stopped to consider just how vain we, as humans, have to be to even ask such a preposterous question.  As if our ears are the only ones to quantify a "sound" when the God of all creation, the very maker of that tree, is always listening.  In fact, the very waves of air sent out by such an incident are a sure cry of God's glory over Creation.

I realized, then, in my mental meanderings, that our entire view of ourselves is so over-inflated that we tend to believe the earth was put into motion for us alone.  We see ourselves on one side and Creation on the other.  When, the truth of the matter is, we are merely a part of all this glorious craftsmanship of God.

And when we shift our mindset, putting us on the same plane (though, yes, at a slightly higher altitude, recognizing ourselves as caretakers) as all God created in those six days at the beginning of all we know, there is a whole lot more that shifts, too.

When we recognize the earth was not made for us or for our pleasure, but that it was put into existence alongside of us to bring glory to the hands of its Creator, we see that the falling tree does not make its sound for our ears.

The sunset is not merely for our eyes, the rain is not only for the feeling of a drop on our skin, or even just to hydrate our crops.  God can, and does, create these things so we may take enjoyment and be satisfied, but the enjoyment is not for us.  The satisfaction is given so we may turn our gratitude back to Him, to give our Lord the glory and the praise for His goodness.

But by the same token, when we recognize Creation was not made for us, we can more clearly see the bad things that happen to good people are not necessarily punishment or neglect on the part of our Creator.  Just as the tree withers, the antelope is devoured or the thunder rages, so we, too, must endure hardship, not because God has turned against us but because these, too, bring glory to Him.  As so eloquently stated by C.S. Lewis, pain is God's megaphone to the world.

Because when we recognize that this world does not exist for our pleasure, we might be able to accept the pain with a little more grace.  We might recognize that this difficulty, too, has its purpose in this grand scale of all Creation in which we participate.  And it is our response to these seemingly un-endurable moments that has the ability to shout a declaration of beauty in the pain that can only come through God.

Still trying to figure it all out and still knowing I can postulate on this premise with all surety without my ever having experienced such unimaginable pain as I know to be possible, I will always and ever know - my God reigns.  He is sovereign.  And all is for His glory.

1,000 Gifts:
633. Sunday afternoons, a day to rest
634. A bleary-eyed girl emerging from her bedroom to snuggle in Momma's lap after a confusing dream
635. The easy giggles of an infant.
636. Baby drool
637. The hard-earned giggles of a toddler.


Photo of the Day:
Daddy lifted Emmett up to touch the ceiling.  As you can tell, he may have loved it.

Of Hitting His Stride

Our little boy turned two earlier this week (as you well know), and he seems to know it.

It's as though with one birthday he suddenly realized he was a big boy now - it's a big jump from being a one-year-old to a two-year-old.  Suddenly he's having his own thoughts - we're hearing more often, "No, Diddy!" (translation: "No, Sissy!") whereas before he would just do anything she said - he's playing his own games (I heard him pretending with his toys yesterday, where one was yelling, "Ah, it's a scary monster!"), and he's earning his own spankings (as in, he's getting into trouble all on his own now, not just because Sissy led him down the wrong path).

It really is astonishing.

Just the other day, as I heard the two of them having an actual conversation, rather than he just parroting her, it hit me - we have two big kids.  It's not just one little girl doing her thing while her brother follows behind.  They're independent people.  And we have two of them.  And soon, as Joey grows into his own within the next couple of years, we'll have three walking, talking, individuals vying for our attention.

This life thing just gets crazier and crazier.

1,000 Gifts:
633. Giving someone a break
634. Taking my time
635. Fresh blueberries
636. A sunny summer evening
637. The perfect shade to protect my fair skin
638. A Boston Cream Cupcake
639. Making plans


Photo of the Day: 
Eating dinner on the patio with friends - could the day end any sweeter?