Accomplishments this past week include losing yet another two pounds of baby weight (which came from being pregnant, despite the fact that my husband claims I've had it since my own birth - he can be not so wise with the words sometimes) and fitting back into my pre-pregnancy jeans (just in time, too, as I was about to tear my maternity jeans to shreds out of pure frustration, and that would not have been so convenient the next time I find myself with child). Facing that kind of success is enough to motivate one to not only turn to Billy Blanks for a high five but also to allow him an hour of my day (that's a serious commitment of trust for a young mom who only gets a maximum of two hours of quiet a day) to continue kicking my bum into high gear, but this time with his ADVANCED workout.
Allow me to be your tour guide through my mental processes during such an hour:
Yay! Finally time for the advanced workout. The half hour Basic is a little low-level for me. Seriously, did you see the granny in the workout extras?
Yeah, this is what I'm talking about.
Oooh, uppercuts! My favorite :)
That woman was Billy's right-hand girl in the last video. I'll bet she's getting a little claw-the-eyes-out toward Ms. Perfectly Toned who bumped her to the back row this time.
Come on Billy, put your shirt down. I know you're ripped, but your midriff-bearing top was inappropriately bad workout attire in the first place for a man of . . . well, any man.
I am totally not sweating as bad as that girl whose abs are pulled tighter than a military man's bedsheets. (I don't care if she's under hot lights, don't dash my happiness.)
Ok, seriously, look at those abs! Do they have to show off those puppies during the audition? Allow the casting director to bounce a quarter off the six-pack?
The grapevine?! I didn't know I ordered a copy of Tae Bo line dancing. And apparently my body is not coordinated enough to handle this mesh of workout genres - let's get back to serious business, Billy.
What the . . .?! Who does he think I am, Jackie Chan?!
Yay! Cool down! My favorite part.
Is he crazy?
Yeah, yeah, Billy, talk away while all your minions are doing the real work. It sure seems easy to ask us to crank out two more sets when you've been doing nothing but marching in place while pointing out that woman's rear as though mine is supposed to someday match her tight end.
Yes! The pros in the background are giving up, too. I see them. I'm not fooled, Billy. This workout is not possible for mere mortals.
Oh my goodness. That woman is literally dripping sweat onto your pretty red carpet. It's like Niagra Falls over there.
This is NOT a cool down! I want to pull in my circle of air - where's the circle of air?!
Yeah, ok, you guys work on those squats, I'll be right back.
Just keep talking, Billy, I'll just sit here until you get to the real cool down.
Oh, we're holding hands now, that's cute.
What the . . .?! We're done?!
Okay, so doing the first 45 minutes of the workout and ignoring Sir Crazy Abs for the last 15 minutes still counts as something, I know it.
Very entertaining Angela!
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