Of Dependency

I went through withdrawal yesterday.

While preparing for bed I attempted to place my finger on the source of my feelings of disconnectedness I was enduring with regards to my son.  I realized, he had not smiled at me all day.

As a result, I felt empty.

As one experiencing the concept of teeth for the first time in his life, little Emmet not yet sure how to handle those little buggers and sometimes causes me pain while he eats.  Upon such occasions he receives what should be a gentle flick to the cheek, but in the heat of the surprising and painful moment there tends to be just a slight amount more of force than initially intended.  And with each instance I receive the most pathetic and heart-wrenching of pouts followed by the saddest cry you've ever heard and a look that says, "Why, Mommy, why?".  While he has not had an overwhelming amount of issues previously, yesterday he seemed to simply be throwing caution to the wind resulting in numerous cheek-flicks.

So it was that we found our way to the end of the day and as I told him I loved him, I observed my little Emmett's eyes with a blankness behind them.  A numbness to anything Mommy said or did.  My heart was officially broken.

Fortunately, babies have short memories.  When I plucked his squirming form from his crib this morning and cooed in his face, those chubby cheeks wrinkled and those deep brown eyes glowed.  And my heart warmed.  The emptiness I had felt crawling into bed last night was re-filled with his waking this morning.  Who knew my entire mood for a day could become so dependent on one little thing?

But that smile is the best drug out there.