Of My Perfect Day

For many years, I have lamented my summer birthday. My summer birthday that is less than a week before the Fourth of July - meaning I had no fun surprises at school, no balloons at my locker, no one singing to me in the halls, no elementary school parties (except for the lame one that covers "all the summer birthdays"), and to top it off, by the time my birthday came, everyone was out of town, so no party, in general. Lame.

Then, I got married and you'd think that would be a built-in celebration - after all, my family isn't going on vacation without me, so they have to be with me on my birthday. True. But I happened to marry a man whose special day is only three days after mine. So, out of a perfect storm of failed birthday pasts, fear of no one actually planning anything for birthday celebrations at all, and needing to budget for two birthdays in one week, I took over all planning on my own. I would plan a special day for the two of us to celebrate together just to be sure I got to celebrate at all.

And then, out of the gratefulness of my heart, I lamented those birthdays, as well. Because I just wanted a day that someone else planned, that I didn't have to do anything but be the birthday girl. Because it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

And bless my husband's heart. He has tried. And the few times I have loosened the reigns of planning a little, told him, "That's it - this year I'm not planning anything!" I have always taken it back, mostly. So he has tried. And he has succeeded a few times and I have truly enjoyed the efforts everyone has put in to every one of my birthdays. Really, I do. But in the end, I didn't know how to really appreciate it all.

But this year was different.

This year, I had just been traveling off and on for three weeks solid. So I was done planning. And I was out of money. So, I was simply letting go of birthdays and letting the chips fall where they may. It looks like we got each other tires for our birthdays, anyway - woohoo.

And then I got a card (complete with fake grapes) from a precious friend promising an adventure. And because I don't know how to not whine, I still whined about giving up my birthday weekend - a rare free Saturday this summer - to someone else. I'm a peach to live with, I tell you.

But she did not disappoint. We enjoyed a mini road trip to neighboring towns, exploring antique shops, sharing histories and buying fried pies. She took me to a local "wildlife" park - something that wouldn't be considered worth the price of admission considering the overabundance of donkeys and llamas - disproportionate to the amount of actual wild animals present in the park. But then you have to consider your company. And the laughter that comes from mocking the poor, fat, over-fed-by-park-visitors-like-us creatures that come to the car windows, knowing you've bought cups full of junk-food-feed just for them and knowing you're a sucker for those big teeth and furry heads.

The memories that come from chucking a cup full of feed at an approaching camel because you're freaked out if he gets his head in that window while you were trying to take a picture, you'll never be able to get it back out - those memories are priceless. 

Worth every. darn. penny. 

Afterward, we stopped by what we thought would be an average antique store, though it boasted the word "museum" - and learned that hidden inside was a trove of antique cars in mint condition and Harley Davidsons in styles we never even knew existed, and a shop-owner so happy to just have visitors and eager to talk. Unexpected beauty in unexpected places.

It was definitely the #happybirthday2016 #adventure I was promised. 

And that would have made for a satisfying birthday by itself.

And then the actual day on the calendar rolled around. On the heels of a VERY difficult Monday - the kind of day that left me in tears at midnight, hating the fact that this was already my birthday and I didn't even want it.

I woke up with fresh eyes, but a groggy brain, dressed for a doctor's appointment, armed with garden-fresh tomatoes to take to the sister-in-law afterward and left home. Yet, I knew the day had potential. So, while dropping off the tomatoes, I posed a possibility. Would she go with me to a little town an hour away to buy myself a dress I'd seen on my birthday #adventure and hadn't been able to stop thinking about? She peered around, considered the possibility and went with it. What a blessing that decision was. Precious car time with this girl I don't spend enough time with, discussing what's really going on in our lives. Two new outfits (one for me, one for an itty-bitty-pretty back home), two baskets of peaches and a bag of onions later, we made it back home.

And that would have made for a satisfying birthday by itself.

I spent the afternoon watching TV with the kids while coloring in the new book my sweet husband purchased for me (not because he had to - because I told him, we got tires, remember? - but because he truly wanted to buy something just for me) and then, finally, FINALLY scrolling through my Facebook feed.

Now, I'm typically not a fan of Facebook birthday wishes - repetetive greetings - many by people who I treasure, but some by people I'm thinking "Who are you, again?" - it has become almost an annoyance. But this birthday, inspired by a friend more creative than I, I had requested something more - memes for my birthday, laughter to brighten the droll obligatory birthday greetings. And those friends of mine did not disappoint. I chuckled, smiled and rolled my eyes through over a hundred special greetings and memes selected just for me - each one reflecting a bit of that friend and making me remember why I'm glad they're in my life. I later heard from many that my Facebook birthday feed was the highlight of their day and it was hilarious fodder for conversation over coffee and cake with friends later that evening. Truly - it was amazing.

And that would have made for a satisfying birthday by itself.

But it wasn't over yet.

After memes, naps, the library, dinner made by my wonderful husband, cake, candles, an imagined visit from the Birthday Bird of Katroo (the kids insisted Daddy read me the same Dr. Seuss story we read them every year on their birthdays) and kisses good-bye, it was off to Bible Study where I was challenged by the incredible Priscilla Shirer and enjoyed spiritual discussions with sweet ladies, after which, I was told I was going out for coffee (not invited, mind you, told!). 

But on my way, I was captured by the most brilliant sunset. With clouds overhead, the sun was limited to bursting through a thin break just at the horizon. It was streaks of orange and yellow and purple that one couldn't just look away from. It hurt me to turn my back on it to go anywhere else. So I didn't. I chased it down, tried to capture it on camera (impossible) and just reveled in the beauty. Like a birthday gift from the Creator Himself.

Finally, tearing myself away, I headed to my last stop for the night - that demanded coffee date. As I emerged from the car, notes of "Happy Birthday to you!" wafted over the Starbucks parking lot, from the patio with waiting friends at a table decorated just for me. We enjoyed cake, much laughter and delightful conversation. I even got to use my free birthday drink from Starbucks - a venti (because, why not?!) Double Fudge Bar Frappuccino, with waffle cone sprinkles, java chips suggested by the barista and a drizzle of caramel sauce (because why not just add everything you can imagine when it's all free anyway?). This close to Heaven, I tell you. We sat in the dark, listening to the ambiance of the weed-trimming next door, and were just girls - moms with breaks from the kids - for just an evening.

And that made it a satisfying birthday, all together.

I truly could not have asked for a better day.

And the best part was, I didn't have to plan any of it in advance. It just happened. It fell together through spontaneity and the careful planning of others. I was free to sit back and let the chips fall where they may - and they did - into beautiful places.

So, thank you, officially, to all of you who participated, either in person, or on-line, or over the phone. I treasure each one of you and feel more loved than you can imagine.

And PS - Those summer birthdays, I've realized, are a treasure in and of themselves. Because of my summer birthday, I've spent some of my past special days at Disneyland with my family, being sung to in Spanish down in Peru, at a carnival with friends, gifted with bottles of root beer by sweet campers in Maine, enjoying my favorite restaurant that's not local, while on a road trip with my husband and kids and being sung to under the dark cloudy, but warm sky over Starbucks, staying up too late because we can. Summer birthdays, I've decided, are kind of awesome.

Of Why I Had Children

In yet another moment of motherly frustration this weekend, I thought to myself, sarcastically, "Why did I have kids, again?" It's a question my husband and I ask each other often, as we tease one another over the silly and genuinely difficult things our kids do on any given day.

It wasn't until that moment, however, that I heard God speak to me about how accurately that question reflects our culture's view of children. Because implicit in such an inquiry is the idea that we had these kids for us. For our benefit, our joy and as our accomplishments. Yet, so often, they bring us just the opposite - hardship, anger and a sense of failure.

So, it's a legitimate question, really. Why did we have kids? Why does anyone have kids?

If I took a truthful look back at that moment early in our marriage when we excitedly decided we were throwing caution to the wind and taking that next big step, I would tell you I had no better reason than that's what it felt like we should do. Because I didn't plan out this life beyond going to college, so I was kind of winging it. Here we were, young, in love, past that difficult, difficult battle called the first year of marriage. We had bought a house because, well, we thought that's what adults do. The next obvious step looked like kids.

And, yeah, the idea of a little baby to snuggle sounded kind of fun, too.

So, with reckless abandon, we jumped into the decision to make us a little person and were blessed with an instantaneous pregnancy. And I had no idea what I was getting into.

Because here's what no one really told me. Kids aren't just something you do or "the next step." And if you want something adorable to snuggle who is easy to train and will love you unconditionally, get a dog.

That is NOT why we have children.

But if you want to have a significant part in growing up the generation that will come after us, to lead our nation, create the next big innovations, raise the standards of our culture and continue to grow the generations after them, then by all means - go to it.

And that's what our society seems to misunderstand when they see mothers and their babies.

Children are NOT accessories.

They're not something we get because we think it'll be fun. They're not to be discarded when they're too difficult to handle. We don't surround ourselves with just the right number, as if there IS a right number. Because, truth be told, I can't handle four children - I can barely handle one some days.

But God doesn't give us what He thinks we can handle - only what He knows He can handle.

And when I rely on Him and recognize my children as real, live, imperfect people, living under the sinful consequences of the fall, I can see those little frustrations, not as personal setbacks to my own happiness, but as jumping off points to create character, in both myself and in them.

I can see them as individuals with personalities who are only mine to borrow, as I take on the task of guiding them where God leads. They will grow and, with God's help, develop into independent people with their own thoughts and ideas that may not always match mine.

But that's ok.

Because that's not why I had children.

Of the Words I Would Say

I dreamed last night, without going into weird detail (it was a dream, after all), that I was being condemned to death for no other reason than being viewed as an excess individual.  In one horrible moment, I was being escorted out of a room, away from my husband (who was being allowed to live) and without a chance to see my children or even tell them good-bye.

Yes, it was tremendously sad, though I was filled with a strange sense of peace.

What I was most grateful for in the dream was a set of circumstances which allowed me to write a letter to my husband and children filled with all the final words I wanted them to have from me before I was gone from this earth.

Of course, when I awoke I was extremely relieved to find it was nothing more than a dream, but it left me with the sense that, though the circumstances of this particular vision are beyond-extremely unlikely, the certainty of my next breath is non-existent.  And, in the real world, I may not get that chance to leave my final words.

So, I decided to write a little something here, hoping I'll get to read them to my kids myself when I'm at a ripe old age, but also recognizing none of us knows when our last day has come.

These are the words I would say,

"To my Beautiful Family -

I love you all more than words could express.  You each have taught me so much about myself and have made my life worth getting up for every morning (even when it felt too early).

Dearest Philip,
You are everything I ever needed but many things I never knew I wanted.  God is so good to know me better than I know myself.  You are a capable man who is able to do so much more than you give yourself credit for.  You are compassionate and playful - qualities that make you an excellent father to our children (and have allowed you to put up with me longer than should have been possible).  I know God is at work in your heart and is continually shaping you into a man after His will.  Continue in His way and He will always bring you through.

Beautiful Micaiah,
My first born - you were the first little being I felt squirming inside me.  You are precious in every way.  Please forgive me for the times I have been too hard on you.  The truth is, I see in you almost every part of me - the good and the bad.  And, sometimes, as though I were disciplining myself, I push too much and expect more than is fair.  I am sorry.  But I love who you are.  I love the way you love your brothers, encouraging them, helping them and enjoying them.  You have a beautiful heart.  You, my little spit-fire, are so independent.  Don't lose that.  But also remember it's ok to share the load.  And, in trusting others to help you along the way, remember that just because someone does something differently than you would prefer does not mean it is wrong.  Our differences are what make us stronger as a people.  I also want you to know, there is only one Man who will ever complete you and His name is Jesus.  Another may come along and try to steal your heart, but tell him He has to go through the Father first - you are worth the effort.

Precious Emmett,
You have one of the most sensitive hearts I have ever met.  I love the way you look after the needs of others and are willing to accept what is given to you with a joyful heart, even while others are demanding more.  Your life verse (Proverbs 3:3-4) talks of wearing kindness and truth all the days of your life and I wish that for you.  These two qualities will take you far (to the point of finding success in the eyes of God); never let them be far from you.  Your inner strength and your desire to stand up for what is right are the qualities I most admire in you.  I know you are capable of great things, but remember that nothing of lasting value can happen apart from God.  Hide His Word in your heart and follow after Him.

My Joseph,
Mister, Mister, I sure do love your smile.  So young and I can already tell you have a determined spirit.  You let nothing stand in the way when you have your mind set on a task.  Let that fierceness drive you to stand up for what is right and be a trailblazer in the name of the Lord.  You have what it takes to cause others to follow after you; make sure you know where you're headed first.  God will never let you down and if you trust in His name you will not be mis-led.  Take care of your brother and sister the way they so lovingly look after you.  Be compassionate always and lift up the hurting.  Allow God to do His amazing work in you.

To all of you, remember this world is only temporary, let us trust in that which will never fade and never falter.  I love you all."

1,000 Gifts:
785. Breath in my lungs
786. Her swallowed up by a t-shirt too big
787. Carrying a little girl in my arms that will soon be too big for such things
788. Drying her tears
789. Righting my wrong
790. A day without fits
791. His little squeal
792. My littlest man, army crawling already

Whole 30 - 
Day 14 - 
Breakfast - Eggs, Banana
Lunch - Chicken Carnitas, Lettuce, Salsa
Snack - 1/2 Carrot Cake Larabar
Dinner - Sexy Shrimp Scampi (lol, gotta love a name like that - and, oh my, sexy I'm not sure, but delicious, yes sir!), Broccoli

Day 15 - 
Breakfast - Eggs, Banana
Snack - Strawberries, Blueberries, Oranges, Grapes
Lunch - Turkey Burger with Guacamole, Sliced Tomato, Plantain Chips
Dinner - Chili

Worst Part of these Days: Twice a week I cook dinner for another family as well, usually doubling whatever I make for ourselves.  Twice this week I have made for them pasta when pasta is not our menu (because I thought they might actually appreciate the spaghetti in their spaghetti and meatballs).  It wasn't until after I sent their meal off last night and I was cleaning up the stray strands of linguini for their scampi that I realized two nights in a row I had eaten a piece of pasta, per my method for testing done-ness.  Darn it.  I messed up and it was entirely unintentional (believe me, if I had meant to slip, it would have been with a little bit of Micaiah's pizza this evening, not two innocent pieces of plain pasta). Please forgive me.  Also a bad moment - chili without cheese or fritos or crackers - who does that?!

Best Part of these Days: That Shrimp Scampi.  Ooooh, yum!  Also, we've made it past the hump!  Onto the second half of our journey!

Of Loving His Cousin

Our eldest son is not yet at the age when we hear him talking about his favorite play-mates (other than his sister).  While Micaiah comes home from church telling me about the escapades of her and her friends (all male, by the way - don't know yet if this should concern us), labeling just about everyone she meets as a friend and asking about someone she just met ten minutes ago like they've known each other forever, her brother is still at the point where he pretty much keeps to himself.  Other than at home, where he and Sissy will chase each other around in fits of giggles, he's pretty much a "parallel play" kinda guy when it comes to children his age.

Thus, you can imagine my surprise when, at dinner the very evening we pulled back into town from visiting Virginia with my parents, as my brother and his family sat at the other end of the table, Emmett declared, "I want to see Nella."  This, coming from my introvert son who not only doesn't remember who he played with last week, but was also VERY cranky from two days in the car and a very poor nap in his carseat.  He didn't want dinner.  He didn't want milk.  He didn't want to sit in his chair.

But he wanted Nella.

Nella, who is only seven months old.  Nella, who does little more than suck her thumb or chew the nearest toy (not unlike his little brother, Joseph).  She doesn't offer hugs or squeals of recognition, no flickers of excitement to see her cousin who she just met last week.

But this is who he wanted.  This was who made him happy on this evening when nothing else could.

So enamored he was, the entire ride home, after shunning his pasta, he asked where "UncleAndyAndrea" were and which house, of the many passing outside his window, belonged to them.  Upon arriving at Grandma and Grandpa's, he dashed in, looked around and inquired, "Where Nella?"

It was absolutely precious.

I love seeing my children enjoy their family.  I pray we will have many more opportunities to traverse the distance and reinforce the bonds which are only just beginning to form.

1,000 Gifts:

716. Two of my boys snuggling on the couch

717. Joey's smile at his big sister

718. Watching my tiniest man entertain himself, sitting up on the floor

719. Story-time with my littles, laying on the bedroom floor

720. A flowing skirt on a summer evening

Also, guess who's eating from a spoon these days . . .

At five and a half months old, he started these shenanigans on Sunday.  What a big boy!

Of Finishing the Trip

In case you feel like you were caught in a cliffhanger, the kids and I did survive the latter half of our trip.  We bid good-bye to Virginia and the beautiful family which therein resides.  And after two further days on the road were able to spend a few more wonderful days with my brother and his family.  And because it's just plain easier, here is the photo recap:

- Joey got in a lot of quality cousin time, and many tackles and pokes.

- He also had great tickles from Aunt Kimberly.  Yeah, family is pretty great.

- "How I Spent my Summer Vacation" by Micaiah - this girl is so plugged in, it's ridiculous.  But she did also enjoy spending time with Kylie (who was generally more happy than this).

- Kim enjoyed the boys.

- In the car ride on the way back from Virginia, I noticed in the back seat Micaiah playing with her brother's Transformer and VW Bug, crashing them together.  Meanwhile, in the seat next to her . . .

. . . her brother was brushing her "My Little Pony" and narrating a conversation between "Twirl Heart" and Thumper.

- Later, he and I played a little game.  He would look at me like this.

 I would mimic his expression, and be rewarded with this (and the accompanying melody of his genuine belly laugh).

 Love this boy.

 - Later, all three napped in the car.  Blissful silence.

- Joey then enjoyed more cousin play-time with his brother's favorite, Nella.

- I also had the privilege of spending a few hours playing Zombie with high school friends.  Jen even held Joey (though she offered him gasoline to play with - ok, ok, it was just a playing card, but still . . .).

- I even met my good friend, Jamie's, beautiful daughter, Alexia, who enjoyed playing with Nella as well.

- Emmett made his rounds getting tickles.  From Aunt Andrea . . .

Uncle Andy . . .

And Grandma.

- Grandma and Grandpa bought the kids' favorite story book that they heard during their library visit in Virginia (the same one Emmett began reciting out of the blue on our road trip back to St. Louis).

- Grandma accompanied the kids and I to the zoo, where we survived the 104 degrees and even managed to enjoy ourselves!

- And Joey met a real life penguin.  He may have been less excited than me.

- Micaiah felt the Penguin House was really cold.  And she'll tell you about it if you ask.

- Joey composed his first piano movement.

- Emmett completed his tickle routine with Grandpa.

- Then, sadly, it was time to say good-bye.

- Though even the good-byes turned into play-time as Micaiah and Amie loved pulling their hugs to the ground and dissolving into giggles.

- Good-bye, everyone!

It was a very busy two weeks but, again, we all survived and I was grateful for the opportunity to spend so much time catching up and letting the cousins strengthen their friendships.

Of Our Mid-Summer Road Trip

The children and I have spent an eventful week traveling and spending time with family and friends.  And we're only halfway through our vacation!

Current highlights:

- Dressing like a cow will always be one of the best ways to earn a free meal (and, yes, some people will do anything for free food).

- Apparently when our car warns us of low tire pressure, it's not kidding.  Good to know.  Also glad the ensuing flat tire occurred after we arrived at our first destination and before it really had to be anywhere else for a week.  God is good.

- A day in the car with three former roommates (or, two former apartment-mates and one former replacement for my space in said apartment), with a beautiful wedding for an actual former roommate tossed in the middle, equals priceless memories and a whole lot of laughter.

- Our children had their first swim lessons from Grandma and Grandpa.  This is what hotel pools were made for.

- While a toddler and a pre-schooler can handle two days on the road (with a steady stream of dvd's to speed the time), a five-month old gets a little more bored and a little more cranky (and suddenly a big fan of the paci).

- The hills of West Virginia, and on into Virginia, are gorgeous for scenery, dangerous for motion sickness.

- Babies playing together is always the best (especially when it's cousins meeting for the first time).

- Eating dinner across from Kevin McCallister is entertaining always.

- Watching cousins play is a blast when you pair a set of girls and a set of boys.  Yes, there is bickering, but I love seeing the little competitions, or when Micaiah comes running down the stairs, dashing from her male cousin, shouting, "Ah!  A giant!" and without missing a beat, her brother, who had been happily playing next to Mommy, instantly jumps up, crying, "Grrr!" to join the giant in his tirade.  Absolutely love it.

- Shopping from a street-side vendor is just fun no matter where you do it.  Well, until you realize the sweaty kids would prefer to not be waiting while Mommy tries on a dress in the middle of the outdoor mall, right over all of her real clothes.  If you buy one an owl backpack, she might be more forgiving.

- This little girl, getting a kick out of her birthday present (tossing them behind her head was a favorite).

- It's too bad we have so many reasons to stay in Mid-America, otherwise I'd be heading home and telling Philip to pack our bags.  Charlottesville, VA is definitely the place to live.  

Interested to see what this next week holds (though, spoiler alert, fairly certain Batman might be involved - I can't be left out, even on vacation!).

Of the Business of Living

We've been busy leading a life of, well, busy.  But the good kind of busy.  The best kind of busy.  Not the kind that leaves you at the end of the day, feeling spent and worn out but not really knowing what's been done.

The kind of busy filled with the whir of a sewing machine, the planning of projects, the clicking of the computer keys, the stirring up of dirt, the visit to the doctor followed by the dispensing of medicine, the talking with friends, the picking up of toys and wiping of kitchen counters.

And, of course, the kind of busy that doesn't feel busy at all - the reading of books, the snuggling on the couch, the dancing to The Muppets, the sharing of dinner and the planning of celebration.

Yes, we've been busy, but it's the kind of busy that reminds us why we're alive.

1,000 Gifts:
511. A birthday - the perfect time to remind someone you love them.
512. Feeling accomplished at a project (or two) completed.
513. Pizza with friends.
514. A beautiful morning in a shaded backyard.
515. Sharing life.
516. An evening dance party.
517. Contagious grins on a grumpy morning.
518. Nap-time stories.
519. Wet curls.
520. Sickie Snuggles.
521. Mom, Dad, and three kids all cuddled on one couch for movie time.


Photo(s) of (Yester)day:
This would be the impromptu dance party during the closing credits to The Muppets.  Most dance moves were dictated by Micaiah - like this command to dance "backwards".

A rare, difficult-to-capture, but rather adorable, grumpy face from Sir Joseph.