17 August 2012

Of Rationalizing and Realizing

I have had three bananas patiently ripening on my counter for the past week, darkening themselves to be ready to be blended into Grain Free Banana Muffins - Whole 30 approved, kind of.

See, I found the recipe long before we decided we wanted to participate in this craziness, so when we decided to jump into the deep end, I remembered, "Yay!  We can even still have muffins, like the kids love to do for breakfast!" So I dictated firm instructions, leave those three bananas alone - they have a purpose!

And then I read the actual program guidelines and I grew sad:

"In addition, no Paleo-ifying dessert or junk food choices. Trying to shove your old, unhealthy diet into a shiny new Whole30 mold will ruin your program faster than you can say, “Paleo pizza.”  This means no desserts or junk food made with “approved” ingredients—no coconut-flour pancakes, almond-flour muffins, flourless brownies, or coconut milk ice cream. Don’t try to replicate junk food during your 30 days! That misses the point of the Whole30 entirely." (double emphasis added)

But not so sad that I used the bananas.  They continued to sit, growing spottier and spottier, as I debated what to do.  On the one hand, the ingredients were definitely Whole 30 approved.  On the other hand, muffins were directly addressed as evil.

Today, though, I had enough debating, I was tired of brown bananas on my counter and I rationalized, I'm not making these muffins because I crave muffins or to fill some deep longing or comfort, I just have bad bananas that need to be used (I hate wasting food).  What's their deal, anyway?  Why so uptight?  It's not like I'm dousing my stomach in sugar or unapproved grains.  Almonds, Cashews, oil, bananas - good, right?!

So I made them, trying to decide if, as a law-abiding girl to the end, I should feel guilty or not.  After all, no Whole 30 police were going to jump out and throw a ticket at me for violating the guidelines.  No one could force me to "re-start".  So why was I trying to hard to rationalize it?  If I thought it was ok, then, by golly, I'm an adult - it should be ok!

Then, as the muffins came out of the oven and I popped the first mini-bite of moist bread-like texture in my mouth, I got giddy and I began to get excited about the idea of a warm muffin with melted ghee (butter's a no-no, remember) and, ooh, would that taste just as I dreamed?  Oh.  Uh-oh.

And I was doing it - fantacizing about food in an unhealthy way.


So that's why I'm not supposed to just re-work my old favorites.

Got it.

So, I'm saving the muffins for the kids.  Because Micaiah thinks they're absolutely delicious (but that could be her grain-free cravings kicking in.  Oh well.)

1,000 Gifts:
775. The ability to decide what I'm going to eat
776. Tickles from a little girl
777. Big boy, letting loose the weary tears and giving in to rest
778. Little boy, grinning that he's happy to see me

Whole 30 - Day 9 (which was yesterday):
Breakfast - Sausage & Egg Casserole, Banana
Lunch - Rotisserie Chicken on Romaine with Tomatoes and Homemade Italian Dressing
Snack - Raisins
Dinner - Baked Bacon Turkey Burgers (the recipe calls for Bison, but that is much more expensive and readily available than turkey - plus we like turkey), Zucchini Chips, Green Beans

Worst Part of the Day: We spent the evening at a Home-Schooling Panel where there were lovely trays of home-baked brownies, chocolate chip muffins, M&M cookies, cheese, crackers and salami (as well as multiple pitchers of lemonade).  Essentially, all the good public-gathering-type goodies.  I had a glass of water while I convinced myself the lemonade was probably watered down anyway.

Best Part of the Day: Forgetting I was even on the diet (you know, until the Homeschooling Panel) - which I take to be a good sign, because I'm no longer desperate for what I can't have (unless it's right in front of me) or feeling a giant rumbling in the tummy.  Just living my life, fueled by healthy choices.

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