Every Wednesday the Shawnee Rescue Mission hosts a lunch for the local struggling/homeless in a park across the street from the public library. There have been many from our church who have gotten involved and, while providing aid in other ways, I have found multiple excuses to not be physically present. Until today. Today the excuses stopped (even though I kept trying).
After parking, I put Emmett in his sling, grasped Micaiah's hand and together we walked bravely toward the loud Christian music. I'll have to admit - this was a big step outside of my comfort zone. Don't get me wrong, I love to serve - service is one of my primary love languages - but I am not so good at ministering - striking up conversation, asking for prayer needs and altogether being a friend to those I don't know. I am not typically an extrovert (shocking to some, I know). But the main need on these Wednesdays for these people who have so little is a listening ear - a friend.
When I arrived I thought maybe I could find someone I knew and then weasel my way into a discussion they might already be having. No such luck. When I considered who I might be able to talk with, I found I was stuck. I couldn't tell who was there to help and who to be helped.
And then I realized my problem.
I was separating the group before I even got to know one person. Us and them. The haves and have nots. I was there to befriend them - they need me. That's what I had thought. And I didn't want to offend the wrong person by assuming they were homeless when they were a mere volunteer like myself.
And what would I say that would offend anyone? Could it be an attitude of being talked down to? Pity?
Is that the attitude I need to have in any conversation with any person?
Yikes.
Even by the time I left I was having trouble remembering that we are all people - with no need for distinct groupings - one side of the serving line or the other - and my presence in that park was not life-changing to anyone - and that shouldn't be my goal - at least not by my own strength. I was looking to my own leading rather than to God's.
Praying for improvement in my vision next week.
I'm so proud of you for going! =) I wanted to so bad this week. I appreciate you sharing this. When I go it becomes very obvious to me when I'm there in the Holy Spirit and when I'm not. I've gone on days that I felt horribly awkward and was all elbows and thumbs in everything. Then other days I've felt the Holy Spirit lead me to serve and talk to people. I think for me, it's always getting out of my comfort zone and like you said, realizing that we're all the same deep down. It's growing pains, and I appreciate your candor and willingness to share how God's working in you!!
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