04 April 2011

Of Busy

I had one of those mommy moments today.  One of those moments when I see myself in my daughter and it makes me want to weep from sorrow at the innocence in her words which reflect my failure as a parent.

While riding in the car, she tossed her Glo-Worm to the floor and declared, "I don't want my baby."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  You don't want your baby?"

"No, I'm busy."

There was a distinct stabbing in my gut.

When we arrived at home, her all in fits because we didn't get to visit the park as she had hoped, I encouraged her to retrieve her baby, to carry it into the house and she screamed, repeatedly, "I don't want it!  I'm busy!  I'm busy!  I don't want it!"

Is this what she hears?  When I listen to myself say, once again, "Not right now, baby, Mommy's busy" or "Mommy can't, sweetie, I'm busy,"  is this what she hears?  "I don't want my baby."

I would cry myself to sleep tonight nursing this wound if I wasn't able to remind myself that by the grace of God, I can be renewed.  I can step out of this shell of busy and embrace my life, a simpler, more joy-filled, purposeful life.  Away from "busy."

May I be more cautious with the words I leave lying around in which my daughter can soak.  I mourn for my failures which she may find herself repeating.

Redeem this mess, O, Lord, and begin a new cycle in me - one of appreciating those I love and savoring the un-busy.


  1. Whew, I'm so feeling that failure too and I so needed that tonight. Thank you for being real!! <3

  2. Thank you for loving that little girl, admitting you are human, and trying to learn from your mistakes. Just remember that some of the times you were busy, you were probably doing something important for the care of that precious little girl!
    Love you,
    Aunt Becky

  3. Grandpa and I really liked this one!