Of Busy

I had one of those mommy moments today.  One of those moments when I see myself in my daughter and it makes me want to weep from sorrow at the innocence in her words which reflect my failure as a parent.

While riding in the car, she tossed her Glo-Worm to the floor and declared, "I don't want my baby."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.  You don't want your baby?"

"No, I'm busy."

There was a distinct stabbing in my gut.

When we arrived at home, her all in fits because we didn't get to visit the park as she had hoped, I encouraged her to retrieve her baby, to carry it into the house and she screamed, repeatedly, "I don't want it!  I'm busy!  I'm busy!  I don't want it!"

Is this what she hears?  When I listen to myself say, once again, "Not right now, baby, Mommy's busy" or "Mommy can't, sweetie, I'm busy,"  is this what she hears?  "I don't want my baby."

I would cry myself to sleep tonight nursing this wound if I wasn't able to remind myself that by the grace of God, I can be renewed.  I can step out of this shell of busy and embrace my life, a simpler, more joy-filled, purposeful life.  Away from "busy."

May I be more cautious with the words I leave lying around in which my daughter can soak.  I mourn for my failures which she may find herself repeating.

Redeem this mess, O, Lord, and begin a new cycle in me - one of appreciating those I love and savoring the un-busy.